How to Destroy Yourself Mentally, Physically and Financially - Tales of an Englishman in South Africa
At the beginning of 2004, a good friend of ours, known to all as the Mule, embarked on a year studying at the University of Cape Town and generally working his way around South Africa. During his time there he kept a short diary and over the next few months he will be sharing a few experiences with us all...........so enjoy!
It was Jeeves, originally from Johannesburg, that took me under his wing in Cape Town. The vast majority of people studying economics in the UK are a little on the nerdy side to say the least. The refreshing change at UCT was that most people on my wave length studied some form of “business science”. It was actually in the computer labs where I first met Jeeves – ironic as that was one of the only times that either of us were actually on campus.
After only meeting him twice, Jeeves picked me up in his black VW Polo and took me to a house party in a trendy area of town called Tamboerskloof, on the side of the mountain that leads over to Camps Bay. I strolled in not knowing a single person, not that I even knew Jeeves! I almost had a heart attack due to the sheer number of ridiculously attractive ladies! Jeeves seemed to know everyone and proceeded to energetically introduce me to the entire party. From a pretty limited social life in the hippy and run down suburb of Observatory which was within walking distance of my house, I was suddenly swept into the side of Cape Town that I had been imagining. We later found ourselves in one of the smartest clubs in Cape Town apparently, called Opium, which was full of some seriously slick operators (guys dressed in tight jeans, pouting and flicking their hair back) and again an unbelievable selection of beautiful girls. I did what I do best, and propped myself up at the bar, drinking myself into oblivion.
It was the next day that Jeeves invited me to his flat in Rondebosch (an area of Cape Town in the southern suburbs) to watch the Springboks in action and meet some of his best mates. He lived in a two bedroom apartment which was immaculately kept with all the latest gadgets including a home cinema setup.
His flat mate, Grant appeared from his bedroom – a ripped, dark haired guy with a big grin. He’d been living with Jeeves for a about six months although he spent most of his time enjoying the home comforts at his Mum’s place about a mile away.
Paul – your typical rugger bugger who captained their Inter Mural University team side and whose interests included watching rugby, reading about rugby, chatting about rugby and guzzling vast quantities of beer – a very interesting character.
The Mackeral – seemed a very friendly, genuine guy with ridiculously spiky black hair. He was one of Jeeves’ best mates and together they had just organised to do a ski season together in Vale, Colorado. He worked most evenings at a very prestigious restaurant called Five Flies as a barman. He would often invite us all to come and provide us with a never ending flow of free drinks!
Rossinigre – a very big guy, always laughing. He was studying hotel management, working as a chef and managing one of Cape Town’s hottest cocktail bars on the beach in Camps Bay called – Caprice. He gave the impression this was a tough job but he would often be spotted sipping strawberry daiquiris with a group of girls whilst watching the sun go down!
Lord Gregoire – quite a chubby, rosy cheeked character who resembled an aristocratic colonel from the 1920’s in the British army. This was a guy that you couldn’t help to grow fond of with his very eccentric habits and expressions. He would often be found skimming over the financial papers whilst reclining on a deck chair in his gentleman’s club, Kelvin Grove (equivalent of the UK’s RAC club in Pall Mall)! Bizarrely he was also a barman at Caprice where he gave orders and tweaked peoples’ nipples giving off a little chuckle. Rumour had it that he was a provincial squash player but exercise no longer came into his agenda.
Jeromy – A long term sympathy friend of Rossinigre and the Mackeral that managed to muscle an invitation to any social gathering in the Western Cape. I can honestly say that I am yet to meet a more obnoxious, irritating individual to watch a game of rugby with. He had a severe case of verbal diarrhoea, social interaction dysfunction and turrets syndrome with excessive use of disturbing language. His only saving grace was that he was, although completely oblivious, comic genius. Simply observing his behaviour and appalling attempts at humour was hysterical.
Danny Boy – He arrived half way through the game with his girlfriend in his arms. He was a big shot barman at Caprice, always giving a little show with flying vodka bottles. He was obsessed with fighting and a member of a Thai Kickboxing academy called Dragon Power. This was run by one of Cape Town’s most powerful men, Quinton Chong, a past Muay Thai world champion and heavily involved in Triad gangs and the bouncer organisation which ruled the city’s dark side!
The final character that I met that day at Jeeves’ house was Brad, nicknamed “The Warhead”. He resembled your typical surfer dude with perfectly spiked blond hair, tanned skin and a very laid back image. I could instantly tell he was thinking to himself “who is this English inbred that Mike has brought along now”. The next time that I met him was a week later at his own house party. I stumbled across him propped up against the wall holding his perfectly positioned surf board with six giggling girls gazing up at his flexed left bicep.
Chapter 2 - Jeeves
It was Jeeves, originally from Johannesburg, that took me under his wing in Cape Town. The vast majority of people studying economics in the UK are a little on the nerdy side to say the least. The refreshing change at UCT was that most people on my wave length studied some form of “business science”. It was actually in the computer labs where I first met Jeeves – ironic as that was one of the only times that either of us were actually on campus.
After only meeting him twice, Jeeves picked me up in his black VW Polo and took me to a house party in a trendy area of town called Tamboerskloof, on the side of the mountain that leads over to Camps Bay. I strolled in not knowing a single person, not that I even knew Jeeves! I almost had a heart attack due to the sheer number of ridiculously attractive ladies! Jeeves seemed to know everyone and proceeded to energetically introduce me to the entire party. From a pretty limited social life in the hippy and run down suburb of Observatory which was within walking distance of my house, I was suddenly swept into the side of Cape Town that I had been imagining. We later found ourselves in one of the smartest clubs in Cape Town apparently, called Opium, which was full of some seriously slick operators (guys dressed in tight jeans, pouting and flicking their hair back) and again an unbelievable selection of beautiful girls. I did what I do best, and propped myself up at the bar, drinking myself into oblivion.
It was the next day that Jeeves invited me to his flat in Rondebosch (an area of Cape Town in the southern suburbs) to watch the Springboks in action and meet some of his best mates. He lived in a two bedroom apartment which was immaculately kept with all the latest gadgets including a home cinema setup.
His flat mate, Grant appeared from his bedroom – a ripped, dark haired guy with a big grin. He’d been living with Jeeves for a about six months although he spent most of his time enjoying the home comforts at his Mum’s place about a mile away.
Paul – your typical rugger bugger who captained their Inter Mural University team side and whose interests included watching rugby, reading about rugby, chatting about rugby and guzzling vast quantities of beer – a very interesting character.
The Mackeral – seemed a very friendly, genuine guy with ridiculously spiky black hair. He was one of Jeeves’ best mates and together they had just organised to do a ski season together in Vale, Colorado. He worked most evenings at a very prestigious restaurant called Five Flies as a barman. He would often invite us all to come and provide us with a never ending flow of free drinks!
Rossinigre – a very big guy, always laughing. He was studying hotel management, working as a chef and managing one of Cape Town’s hottest cocktail bars on the beach in Camps Bay called – Caprice. He gave the impression this was a tough job but he would often be spotted sipping strawberry daiquiris with a group of girls whilst watching the sun go down!
Lord Gregoire – quite a chubby, rosy cheeked character who resembled an aristocratic colonel from the 1920’s in the British army. This was a guy that you couldn’t help to grow fond of with his very eccentric habits and expressions. He would often be found skimming over the financial papers whilst reclining on a deck chair in his gentleman’s club, Kelvin Grove (equivalent of the UK’s RAC club in Pall Mall)! Bizarrely he was also a barman at Caprice where he gave orders and tweaked peoples’ nipples giving off a little chuckle. Rumour had it that he was a provincial squash player but exercise no longer came into his agenda.
Jeromy – A long term sympathy friend of Rossinigre and the Mackeral that managed to muscle an invitation to any social gathering in the Western Cape. I can honestly say that I am yet to meet a more obnoxious, irritating individual to watch a game of rugby with. He had a severe case of verbal diarrhoea, social interaction dysfunction and turrets syndrome with excessive use of disturbing language. His only saving grace was that he was, although completely oblivious, comic genius. Simply observing his behaviour and appalling attempts at humour was hysterical.
Danny Boy – He arrived half way through the game with his girlfriend in his arms. He was a big shot barman at Caprice, always giving a little show with flying vodka bottles. He was obsessed with fighting and a member of a Thai Kickboxing academy called Dragon Power. This was run by one of Cape Town’s most powerful men, Quinton Chong, a past Muay Thai world champion and heavily involved in Triad gangs and the bouncer organisation which ruled the city’s dark side!
The final character that I met that day at Jeeves’ house was Brad, nicknamed “The Warhead”. He resembled your typical surfer dude with perfectly spiked blond hair, tanned skin and a very laid back image. I could instantly tell he was thinking to himself “who is this English inbred that Mike has brought along now”. The next time that I met him was a week later at his own house party. I stumbled across him propped up against the wall holding his perfectly positioned surf board with six giggling girls gazing up at his flexed left bicep.
posted by pepper at
Thursday, November 20, 2008
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